I’ve been bad about posting regularly, I know. I have two words for you: job hunting. But I am still creating stories as always and ever, whether they pay the bills or not. So here’s a little tidbit from an un-published story of mine to whet your imagination. Enjoy!
Sire of Flames
Several weeks after my one night stand, I felt my body changing. At first I feared the obvious: pregnancy. I got so stressed and worried about the possibility, I couldn’t focus on my school work. My period didn’t come when scheduled. Finally, I ran to the drug store and bought a pregnancy test.
But I wasn’t pregnant.
Staring at the little pink line on the urine strip, I knew I didn’t need to retest. Except for missing my period, none of my mystery symptoms resembled pregnancy at all. College pregnancy was an easy way to justify—and cling to—my burrowing fears. But they went deeper than I could explain.
Ever since my torrid evening with the young man named Desmond, I perceived everyone around me … differently. My fellow students, my professors, my friends, my own father. In one sense I knew more about them than I ever had before, and all I had to do was stand a few feet away, or hear them talk, or brush against them in the hallway. In another, the excess of information flooding my brain confused me beyond the point of usefulness. When I listened to my dad on the phone, I could hardly hear his voice. Instead I heard wind whispering through the trees, or felt a nonexistent breeze against my skin.
I became a very good listener—at least as long as I only had one person to focus on. Everyone who spoke transfixed me. I could easily forget the ones that stared in fright at my scarred face, or whispered about it behind my back. Some people could distract me just by moving. Just as my father gave me a sensation like wind, other people also reminded me of nature, of elements. One professor made me feel cool and gritty, and when he talked I smelled earth. A girl made my head spin and I felt every drop of water in my body, soft and flowing. One boy walked with pumped fists and brisk steps—he reminded me of fire, warm against my skin, bright orange on the edges of my vision.
Desmond made me feel that way. He was my first sexual partner, that’s true, but the feelings I experienced surpassed the typical sensations of losing one’s virginity. I woke up the next morning like a phoenix reborn from her ashes. And sometimes, when I was all alone, I felt the fire again.
I remembered how I felt that night, underneath him, watching the sweat bead over his pale face, his eyes sparkle. But something changed in retrospection. In reality, Desmond had possessed long blond hair and bright blue eyes. When the memories returned to me of their own will, dark cedar brown suffused his irises and hair. His chin had a boxy shape, and his shoulders were a little broader. I remembered—whether in the false or rational memory, I don’t know—that when we came together, flames leapt in his dark eyes, the world turned red, and my body burned like an ember.
What the hell did he do to me? And why did he choose me?
The sensation of fire was nothing new to me. I’m what people like to call a pyromaniac—that is, I used to be, and I am again now, but I wasn’t when I met Desmond. When I was ten years old, I played with fire in the shed where Dad wouldn’t see me. He disapproved of the hobby. I had a friend with me, a girl my age named Faith, and I wanted to show off. But one trick went awry: you know, the one where you release some extra gas from the lighter before shooting a spark? My jacket caught fire. I stared in awe at the disaster crawling up my arm until the full punch of pain set in. By the time I threw the jacket onto the ground, it was too strong to put out. I kept staring at the fire, mesmerized. Faith had a little sense, and shouted, “We have to put it out! Your dad will be so mad!” And she was right. The shed was made of wood, and it slowly caught fire, too.
But I didn’t help her put out the fire. Not enough, anyway. I kept watching it, the way it flashed and undulated, like it could swim through air. I watched it spread up the walls on either side of me. I flapped my blanket along with Faith, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good. The fire was too strong.
The fire trapped us in. Faith had asthma, so the smoke got to her first. By the time the flames licked the side of my face, I considered myself dead. My dad came in time to pull me out, but Faith wasn’t so lucky. I swore after that I would never play with fire again.
Nine years later I met Desmond, and he was the first person attracted to all of me–even the wrinkled flesh on one half of my face. The scar itself intrigued him, and he didn’t shy away from asking me how I got it. But after our one night together, before I could rationalize how, I sensed I had already broken my oath and played with fire once more. Desmond made me feel the way I felt that day in the shed, watching the flames multiply, letting them. And I loved it.