So, in lieu of posting nothing at all today, I’ve decided to write a brutally honest post.
Sometimes, being a writer sucks.
Most of the time, I love it. There is nothing like being the god of your own little world, bringing characters in your head to life, and manipulating the world they find themselves in. Few thrills in the world can compare to those days I can’t stop writing because the story in my head so desperately needs to come out. Listening to blasting music–be it classical, techno, or epic metal–while writing like a madwoman is my idea of sheer euphoria.
Then there are the days when my sales are down, interest is low, or I didn’t win that contest I applied to a few months ago–like today. Like a lot of days. There are the moments I see a bad review of my book and I can’t get it out of my head, despite the more numerous good ones. On those days my writing often suffers, I sit at home alone, and I wonder why I devote so much of my time to a task that so rarely rewards me.
Rewards or not, I am cursed to keep writing. I can’t get it out of my system. To stop writing at all would be worse than career failure. To stop writing would betray who I am and whatever “muses” possess me to keep writing, if you believe in that sort of thing. I feel very much like Sisyphus, cursed to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity, only to watch it roll back down. I just worry that eventually, I’ll lose the strength and motivation to try pushing up the boulder one more time.
While right now I have had the strength to keep writing, I have lost my motivation to do much in terms of promoting or advertising my books. As a result I have not been writing up history posts for the Tuesdays in between Last Tales like I originally intended. Sorry about that. But hey, the same history facts are in the stories themselves, and wouldn’t you rather learn them that way?
I am probably sabotaging myself further by writing such a negative post. As a self-promoting author, I’m supposed to always sound positive, tell people “everything’s going great!” But let’s be honest. It’s tough. Being a writer is tough. It’s downright masochistic. It’s putting your heart on a platter and watching it get sliced to pieces, over and over again.
*Edit*: I do want to thank all the friends and fans who have supported me so far, however. You probably don’t even realize what a difference you make to me each and every day. The support I’ve had so far has truly given me the strength to keep rolling that boulder, at least for a while longer.
In an attempt to leave the post on a more positive note, here’s a little sketch for you. When I don’t feel like writing, I draw or compose music, which is why I’m going to school for animation in the fall. Woohoo! Anyway, this is a little sketch of young Hereward, somewhat anime style. I’ve been experimenting with that lately.