Non-glamorous Life of a Writer

So, in lieu of posting nothing at all today, I’ve decided to write a brutally honest post.

Sometimes, being a writer sucks.

Most of the time, I love it. There is nothing like being the god of your own little world, bringing characters in your head to life, and manipulating the world they find themselves in. Few thrills in the world can compare to those days I can’t stop writing because the story in my head so desperately needs to come out. Listening to blasting music–be it classical, techno, or epic metal–while writing like a madwoman is my idea of sheer euphoria.

Then there are the days when my sales are down, interest is low, or I didn’t win that contest I applied to a few months ago–like today. Like a lot of days. There are the moments I see a bad review of my book and I can’t get it out of my head, despite the more numerous good ones. On those days my writing often suffers, I sit at home alone, and I wonder why I devote so much of my time to a task that so rarely rewards me.

Rewards or not, I am cursed to keep writing. I can’t get it out of my system. To stop writing at all would be worse than career failure. To stop writing would betray who I am and whatever “muses” possess me to keep writing, if you believe in that sort of thing. I feel very much like Sisyphus, cursed to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity, only to watch it roll back down. I just worry that eventually, I’ll lose the strength and motivation to try pushing up the boulder one more time.

While right now I have had the strength to keep writing, I have lost my motivation to do much in terms of promoting or advertising my books. As a result I have not been writing up history posts for the Tuesdays in between Last Tales like I originally intended. Sorry about that. But hey, the same history facts are in the stories themselves, and wouldn’t you rather learn them that way?

I am probably sabotaging myself further by writing such a negative post. As a self-promoting author, I’m supposed to always sound positive, tell people “everything’s going great!” But let’s be honest. It’s tough. Being a writer is tough. It’s downright masochistic. It’s putting your heart on a platter and watching it get sliced to pieces, over and over again.

*Edit*: I do want to thank all the friends and fans who have supported me so far, however. You probably don’t even realize what a difference you make to me each and every day. The support I’ve had so far has truly given me the strength to keep rolling that boulder, at least for a while longer.

In an attempt to leave the post on a more positive note, here’s a little sketch for you. When I don’t feel like writing, I draw or compose music, which is why I’m going to school for animation in the fall. Woohoo! Anyway, this is a little sketch of young Hereward, somewhat anime style. I’ve been experimenting with that lately.

Encouragement welcome.

Published in: on July 31, 2012 at 12:02 pm  Comments (6)  

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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Keep writing! I love your Mercia stuff – and I’m not the only one 😉 I haven’t ventured into your other works yet, but it’s on my “to-read” list! So many books….so little time! Everyone has off-days, so cut yourself some slack. (Besides, how could you express characters’ moods if you didn’t experience the full range for yourself? And I appreciate your honesty. It keeps people like me, who like to write, but have never pursued anything with it or put themselves out there like you have, from having crazy misconceptions about what it really is like to be a writer!!

  2. Ahh my dear Jenny, you are too talented for your own good. I’m sure that somehow in this universe there is some salve for your hurting heart that will come from your hones cry out to your audience. It strikes a chord in all of us that have sought anything with any passion at all and the heartache of hitting that wall or watching our boulder roll down the hill. Somehow we gain strength through it all even though it feels it is depleting us of it all. Persevere! It will be worth it and the prize is worth the race! I love you!

    • I would never have gotten far without your encouragement. Thanks so much, love you too ❤

  3. Okay… Are you in my head??? Are we living in the same creative tortured body… sure feels like it! I relate to this post more than you will ever know. I just know this, I can never stop writing and creating as it is my DNA and it is who I am. It is not what I do… It sounds like we share that in common. I go through some dark periods where I want to stop. I try to stop being myself. I then find this dark and new place of inspiration like I have never felt before and off I go again like a wind up toy that has just been given one last spin… again! Keep writing! Keep drawing! Keep living as this journey is far more important than the destination. It defines who we are when we get there! Sarah

    • Misery does love company … so thanks 🙂

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